Technical communication editting 1 answer below »


9. Editing Sample Memo

Using the guidelines in this chapter, edit the below memorandum. The assignment can be completed individually or in teams as a team-editing project.

The week one assignment requires you to edit and revise a memo. The memo begins with this info:
"As you may have recently heard, lately we received news…"
This memo is wordy wordy.It should be one page.If your revised version is more than 200 words, keep editing.

Be sure to improve the memo in terms of:
Word choice



January 12, 2012


All Employees of Denver Branch


Leonard Schwartz, Branch Manager


New Loss-Prevention System

As you may have recently heard, lately we received news from the corporate headquarters of the company that it would be in the best interest of the entire company to pay more attention to matters of preventing accidents and any other safety-related measures that affect the workplace, including both office and field activities related to all types of jobs that we complete. Every single employee in each office at every branch needs to be ever mindful in this regard so that he is most efficient and effective in the daily performance of his everyday tasks that relate to his job responsibilities so that safety is always of paramount concern.

With this goal of safety ever present in our minds, I believe the bottom line of the emphasis on safety could be considered to be the training that each of us receives in his first, initial weeks on the job as well as the training provided on a regular basis throughout each year of our employment with M-Global, so that we are always aware of how to operate in a safe manner. The training vehicle gives the company the mechanism to provide each of you with the means to become aware of the elements of safety that relate to the specific needs and requirements of your own particular job. Therefore, at this point in time I have come to the conclusion in the process of contemplating the relevance of the new corporate emphasis on safety to our particular branch that we need, as a branch, to give much greater scrutiny and analysis to the way we can prevent accidents and emphasize the concern of safety at every stage of our operation for every employee. Toward this end, I have asked the training coordinator, Kendra Jones, to assemble a written training program that will involve every single employee and that can be implemented beginning no later than June of this year. When the plan has been written and approved at the various levels within the office, I will conduct a meeting with every department in order to emphasize the major and minor components of this upcoming safety program.

It is my great pleasure to announce to all of you that effective in the next month (February) I will give a monthly safety award of $100 to the individual branch employee at any level of the branch who comes up with the best, most useful suggestion related to safety in any part of the branch activities. Today I will take the action of placing a suggestion box on the wall of the lunchroom so that all of you will have easy access to a way to get your suggestions for safety into the pipeline and to be considered. As an attachment to the memo you are now reading from me, I have provided you with a copy of the form that you are to use in making any suggestions that are then to be placed in the suggestion box. On the last business day of each month, the box will be emptied of the completed forms for that month, and before the end of the following week a winner will be selected by me for the previous month’s suggestion program, and an announcement will be placed by me to that effect on the bulletin board in the company workroom.

If you have any questions in regard to the corporate safety program as it affects our branch or about the suggestion program that is being implemented here at the Denver office at M-Global, please do not hesitate to make your comments known either in memorandum form or by way of telephonic response to this memorandum.


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